"Speak now, or... well, your corpse will."

The Setup: Welcome to 897 AD, Vatican City

The world’s a mess. The papacy is basically a bloody game of thrones.
One pope after another is poisoned, imprisoned, or mysteriously “falls ill.”
The Church? Corrupt AF.
Rome? Boiling with vengeance, vendettas, and veiled blades under velvet robes.

And then... came Pope Formosus.

👑 Who Was Pope Formosus?

Formosus was elected pope in 891, after years of drama, exile, and being accused of trying to steal kingdoms.
He wasn’t squeaky clean.
He’d made enemies. Powerful ones. The kind who hold grudges like relics.

Fast-forward a few years - Formosus dies (naturally or… not-so-naturally).
Buried. Done. Forgotten?

Oh no. Not even close.

💀 The Horror Begins: Enter Pope Stephen VI

Stephen VI rises to the papal throne and decides:

“You know what this mess needs? A public corpse trial.”

He has Formosus’s corpse dug up from its tomb.
This isn’t poetic metaphor.
This is real-life rotting flesh dragged into a courtroom.

🎭 The Trial of a Corpse (You Literally Can’t Make This Up)

Formosus is:

• Dressed in full papal robes

• Propped up on a throne

• And assigned a deacon to speak on his behalf (because obviously the dead need legal counsel now)

The charges?

• Perjury

• Coveting the papacy

• Being pope while already being bishop (which was apparently super illegal at the time)

The courtroom? Packed.
Bishops. Clergy. Nobles. All watching this rotting pope bobbling on a throne while his crimes are screamed at his decomposing face.

⚰️ The Sentence

Formosus is declared guilty.
Of what? Basically of being too powerful for his enemies to tolerate.

His corpse is:

• Stripped of its sacred robes

• Three fingers (used for blessings) are cut off

• His body is thrown into the Tiber River like yesterday’s heresy

Because obviously that’s how you restore the Church’s moral authority.

👻 BUT WAIT. IT GETS CURSED.

Shortly after the Synod:

• Pope Stephen VI goes mad

• Rome turns on him

• He’s imprisoned and strangled in his cell

• A new pope reburies Formosus and declares the whole affair a hellfire-level mistake

Some even say Formosus’s spirit haunted the Vatican, whispering through hallways and raising plagues.
Because honestly? You don’t corpse-trial a pope and expect good vibes.

🔮 Witch Tip:

If you think your family’s dramatic, just remember:
The Catholic Church once put a DEAD MAN ON TRIAL to settle beef.

🕯️ Burn a Forgive Candle if you're holding a grudge.
🕯️ Burn a Vengeance Candle if you’d rather put your enemies in velvet chairs and scream at their bones.

No judgment.

🖤 Moral of the Story?

Revenge never rots.
But sometimes… your opponent does.
And if they’re not around to answer for their sins?
Dig them up and drag them to court.

(But, like… maybe just emotionally, okay?)